The Goal of Parenthood

While feeling the crush of responsibility as a new mother, I pondered what my goals were as a parent. There were the obvious feeding, clothing, and sheltering of my children, but once I met those needs what came next? I initially thought that keeping my children happy was the next most important responsibility. Wrong! I knew enough about myself to know that true happiness came from within, so taking on that task on would be futile.

Then I thought the most important thing I could do for my children was to give them every imaginable experience. That led to mountains of unused educational toys, dance and music lessons, nature school, soccer, summer camps, play dates, dress-ups, and story times at the library – you get the picture. Each of you has your own list. I found this led to a stressed family with over-booked kids who didn’t know how to entertain themselves. Certainly, that couldn’t be a goal of parenting.

Like the good student and professional that I was before children, I was on a quest to be the best mom ever. After lots of soul searching, self-help book reading, and discussions with fellow moms, I still needed to figure out the ultimate goal of parenting. If it wasn't making my kids happy, giving them what they wanted, or providing them with every imaginable experience, then what was my prime directive?

It took my second daughter to alter my frame of reference. After identifying some medical and learning issues, I urgently had to zero in on what was the goal of parenting this particular kid. There was nothing like a child with challenges to change my focus, and then it finally hit me. It was so simple. My goal as a parent was to produce adults who could function and succeed in the world. The rest would just naturally fall into place, because without being functional, how would they ever be happy? They need to know how to take care of themselves and their families, have friends, and live responsibly in the world around them – in a nutshell, to be one of the good guys.